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Dear Sarah,
How do I deal with being dumped? I am struggling to be able to move on.
– Stephen from Surrey

Dear Stephen,
Breaking up has the age old saying attached to it “that it’s hard to do”. However, it’s often made harder if you’re perhaps the one who wanted the relationship to continue but the other person didn’t quite want the same thing. Either way, it’s really a time to be kind to yourself.

So many who experience a breakup find themselves under pressure to feel positive and back to their ‘normal selves’ when a line has been drawn in the sand with a romantic relationship. Many try to push forward but feel a resistance when looking to place blame or go through the grief cycle of loss. The first important step to get through this time would be to sit with your feelings, acknowledge that it’s okay not to feel okay and accept this this is a new chapter that you’ll be navigating that you have’t planned for.

The next steps would be create a list with two columns. In one column start by writing down all the things in your mind that are currently out of your control. In the other column jot down the things that are in your control. Do this everyday and make a plan each day to focus on things your thinking about that you can control and actively work towards letting go the things that are out of your control.

​​#1 Get Organised

Trying to organise your thoughts during and after a breakup can be really tough to do but in order to think straight you need to straighten up your environment. I always think a tidy home or a tidy home office office is a tidy mind and when heartbreak hotel hits home you need to untangle those thoughts and all that clutter surrounding you. Write lists, plan your day and prepare for what you want next, for yourself as a solo. Get a new planner, a new note book and journal out your feelings as you push towards progress. If in the beginning if even organising yourself to organise your life seems a little overwhelming then take it one breath and one moment at a time. Don’t create more resistance that you need, take things at your own pace.

#2 Get Moving

Feelings of overwhelm can come in waves through heartbreak and so the best way to get back to feeling a little bit more ‘you’ again is to get moving, so get out there releasing some endorphins. Go for a walk, create a home gym whilst in lockdown, start running but whatever you do, do not sit still for too long. You might find yourself talking yourself out of exercise or negotiating with your thoughts. Don’t think about it, just move and do it daily. When you go through heartbreak it can be super duper easy to stay snuggled on the sofa and not feel so fabulous focusing on feelings of hurt and relationships gone. The best thing to do for your physical, mental and emotional self is to just get moving.

#3 Learn Something New

New experiences such as learning to cook, learning a language, taking part in a creative hobby or online class of some kind can give our brains the rush of dopamine that we definitely could do with post-breakup. There are so many classes online you can join or find ways to connect with yourself, with others virtually and revisit your interests and hobbies which can fall by the wayside when we get caught up in the emotions and feeling of loss.

You may not think it today but time really is the greatest healer and we have to find a way to forgive ourselves for relationships that don’t work out the way we planned, or anything that doesn’t work out the way we would have liked for that matter. One thing others may always say, and I hear often, is ‘it takes around half the time you’ve known someone to get over them’ well my answer to this is – it doesn’t. It’s not about the length you’ve loved but it’s more about the depth you loved and so with that in mind you have to do what it takes in order to move forward and if you can create a positive routine to push for progress then why not try throwing in a few, if not all of the above steps, and soon you will be back to feeling a little more ‘you’ again.

For more lessons about overcoming loss of love and healing heartbreak you can book coaching sessions with Sarah at www.lovelessonsglobal.com

XX
Sarah,
Relationship Expert
Love Lessons