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Dear Sarah,

Why do people suddenly stop texting (Ghosting)?

It’s happened to me more than once now.

We are chatting away for weeks, all going well. Discussing meeting up then they disappear.

It really makes you feel low, you keep going over the conversations thinking what did I say wrong ?

Thank you .
– Lauren
Guildford Surrey

Dear Lauren,

Thank you for your question, it’s certainly a big one on the lips of daters today. ‘Ghosting’ as a means to an end of a romantic scenario happens a little too often for the liking of dating experts worldwide.

When people disappear in modern dating it’s often because they do not have the tools in their box to communicate what is going on with their lives and the reasons why they no longer wish to pursue the romantic connection. It’s never about you, it’s always about them and something that’s going on in their lives, unbeknown to you. However, naturally when there are no answers we seek to resolve this by creating our own closure and finding our own answers which we can never be sure are accurate. More often than not we seek to internalise the ending.

If you’ve been getting to know someone for a little while and you find that you unexpectedly feel romantically involved with a dating prospect (even without having been on a date with them) it’s often because when we’re romantically connecting we’re looking to ‘attach’ and vicariously we share the most intimate parts of ourselves without realising it. It’s not uncommon to find ourselves sharing more about our lives and ourselves in these intimate moments with a new potential, more than we perhaps would with our friends and family. Without really realising it, it’s a vulnerable place to be and we can subconsciously allow ourselves to feel attached to someone we a) we haven’t met or perhaps b) we have met but haven’t even established the beginnings of a relationship with.

No matter the stage of dating you were at with your Houdini act, the reason you will feel low is because you do not have closure. We humans seek to resolve conflict with answers in order to draw an emotional line and be able to move forward. When you’ve been emotionally involved for a little while with someone, let’s call it a pseudo relationship, and it comes to an abrupt end without closure we are seeking to find the answers for ourselves. It can often be the case that we go over and over the conversations and scenarios shared with this particular romantic potential because we seek to find fault in ourselves. The easiest solution we can find is seeking to resolve by placing blame on oneself – by telling ourselves we are not enough. We drill it down to a bottom line with blame and can seek to resolve this relationship by saying that we are not smart enough, not attractive enough and just not enough in general. This is all, of course, untrue but it’s really tricky to navigate moving forward without the closure we want and deserve.

To be able to pick yourself back up again it’s important to know that what you are feeling right now is a feeling of rejection in the romantic space and this too shall pass. We all experience rejection at some point or another in life – it doesn’t just happen on the search for love. Just know that you are enough and rejection is part of life.

When we are rejected, we are redirected to meet the person that we were meant to be with.

Please let me know if you need any more advice on this, happy to help..

Loving Regards,

Sarah Louise Ryan x
Relationship Expert
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